But I think I might just be too hard on myself (way harder on myself that others). Because actually, when I think about it and cut myself a little slack, I did pretty well all things considering. The two things that tripped me up were real -- I'm not so sure about controllable, but real. So I've learned that I can hang in there despite deteriorating abilities and that has to account for something.
So for starters my stomach decided to go bad on me. I have a crap stomach in non running life but in running life, I've done okay. I've been very cautious about what goes in before a run so I've managed never to have real stomach issues during a run. Not any more. I messed up a bit on race morning by eating a gu at the beginning of the race (not entire sure what I was thinking because I normally don't do that) but I don't know if it was that, or the spaghetti sauce from the night before (which should be fine but who knows) or the fact that when I just recorded all my food I didn't eat enough the two days leading up to the race (!!!! I was starving earlier in the week, but then with the travel and all, I managed not to eat enough on Friday and Saturday. DUH!). I've no idea really but all I know is that at mile two I felt rumblings. But then things got better and I felt great but was fading at my usual mile 5 so ate a gu then and was all down hill from that point on. By mile six I was so nauseous that I spent a great portion of the remaining 7 miles spotting places where I could throw up if needed. And when I wasn't finding throw up spots, I was trying to decide if I should just stop and make myself throw up and then get on with that (the answer was no -- because while the immediate relief is wonderful, the resulting pain isn't worth it).
So that kept me entertained (ha ha). I did get a brief reprieve during the run through Angel Stadium I guess because I was just so distracted by it all. But man, back outside and I was just miserable. I think what started happening is that I was becoming dehydrated as well -- I had my hand held and tried to sip and made sure I sipped at each water station. But each time that would send my stomach off -- I still did it because I knew I needed the water but it was just one more thing that wasn't all that fun.
I kept looking at my watch and willing it to stay at 9 min/miles -- and was just in shock at how two weeks previously on my 12 miler I had to keep reminding myself to slow down to stay at 9 min/miles and now I was willing myself to just hang in there at that pace.
Anyway, I kept trucking along so ended up with the following splits:
You can see at mile 10 it was all getting to me. And mile 13 was my attempt to sprint to the end. Mostly I think it was to sprint out of misery.
What I didn't realize was happening was that I was slowly loosing the ability to breath!! When I stopped running and took a deep breath to try to catch my breath I had that awful hurting deep in my lungs and that sort of surprised me as I wasn't feeling it when I was running (this has happened to me before, never this bad and usually it is a result of forgetting the inhaler -- I've actually got to figure out how to figure this out while I'm still moving). So I dizzily got my waters and cold towel and moved off to the side to catch my breath.
I totally did not allow for this -- and should have known better. I did use my inhaler right at the beginning of the race but I never allowed for the fact that I'm just extra super sensitive to air quality. I've been down in SoCal there plenty of times, close to the ocean and when everyone else thinks the air is good and I'll have that tightness in my chest. It looked like a wonderfully clear day on Sunday and I'm sure it was to most people but it got me at the end there (or who knows where actually). Note to self, I should just stay away from SoCal races...it just isn't worth it.
Anyway, so there's my saga. And actually now that I've written it all out, I sort of feel silly. Even without my mini dramas I did just fine. Not what I was hoping, but just fine.
Oh oh oh --at about mile 9 when I realized that I was headed downhill and there wasn't much of a chance of recovering I decided to run San Jose RNR Half on Oct 2nd. That's another super flat course -- so should be a nice attempt to try again.
And one final comment -- it totally sucked at mile 12 to 13 when I was getting passed and passed and passed -- everyone who had something left is just shooting by me and I had no ability to keep up. THAT was not fun. But I lived. ;)