Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Boy was I glad to get home on Sunday. Last week was the most exhausting week of my life, and I've had some exhausting weeks over the past couple of years. On Sunday my brother came into my hotel room and said he was done with logistics....I laughed. I had woken up in the middle of the night and thought if I had to coordinate one more thing, I was going to cry.

So now I'm back at work and the every day. Glad to be here too...the distraction is needed. The middle of the nights are still a bit tough.

Daughter has started cheerleading. I looked into this as a way she could perform but not have to follow in her brothers footsteps. So far, so good. And it will keep her busy for all of the rest of the summer.

Son is bored. He couldn't find a job -- seems 16 really is the magical age. I was hoping we'd find something but apparently it isn't to be. So he's driving me a bit crazy but that's okay. Soon he will go to TX for a week and then over to his dads for a vacation week and then school.

Nothing else to report.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


I'm sitting here in a library in Bullhead City, Arizona. Sort of surreal really. It was the only place I could find wireless to email my sister in law pictures of my dad. Dad never did think he needed DSL so the house still has dial up. And I've got a lot of pictures.

I got to AZ on Friday around 6pm. Dad wasn't conscious. His breathing was so gurgled because he was having trouble swallowing. Stepmom and I did gave him his medicine, we talked to dad, consoled each other and went to bed. She woke me up at around midnight because she was so concerned that dad spiked a fever. We stood around him and couldn't figure what to do so put a wash cloth on his forehead and attempted to get some sleep.

Stepmom called hospice nurse first thing and she got to the house soon after. She got dad's fever down and told us that 30% of patients get a fever within 24 to 48 hours of death. Was there anyone else that needed to be here? Go call your brothers NOW!

We managed to get older bro here in time -- he called me back within 30 minutes and had flight to LV and I had him picked up and home by 5pm. Younger brother had more scheduling issues and was coming from Louisville so he didn't end up making it in time.

Two hours after brother and I were back at the house, dad died. We had just all cleaned him up and changed his sheets. We all walked out of the room to take a breather, sat down at the table and within a few minutes brother jumped up and ran into the bedroom. He then screams "He's GONE". Stepmom screams "NO" and we go running in. He was gone. Kind of like dad to check out when no one was there.

Typing this sends me back in that room and it just was a horrible place to be. Brother and stepmom are extremely outwardly emotional and I was in shock. We were crying and we kept touching dad and really trying to decide what we knew was true. He was indeed gone.

You know, it is easy to say it was a blessing because at that point, it was. He was in so much pain and had been in horrible pain for quite some time. I touched him earlier in the day and he winced -- the cancer was everywhere. We even saw one of his tumors poking through his skin. He'd not been conscious for about 3 days. Yes, from that standpoint it was a blessing.

But it is never a blessing to loose someone you are close to. Ever. And no matter how much you know it is at the end, you are never prepared walk into that room and see that person not breathing. Never.

He was diagnosed with small cell lunch cancer back in October. We were told not to do chemo and he would be gone within 4 months. We did chemo and he made it for 10 with a relatively good quality of life. We had an awesome Christmas with both my brothers and their families, I talked to him all the time on the phone, mostly when at the airport with all my flying, I dropped everything and spent a great weekend with them in April, my youngest brother got to talk to him endlessly about job hunting advice, he saw my son in one of his plays in March and amazingly enough he made it up to San Jose for one last visit with older bro and I and our families for Father's Day/his birthday. I think we did everything right.

I love you dad. I'll miss you always.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


The crazy schedule begins today.

If all works out for my father, he goes home from hopsital today. Complete with hospice. The cancer is everywhere and he's hardly with it at all. It is so incredibly sad.

By Sunday, I'll decide if I want to pull up stakes and move to AZ for the short term to help.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I've got it all arranged. I've got to be in Dallas next Thursday for a meeting so this is what my next Wed to Monday looks like:

Wed -- fly to Dallas, arrange to meet co-workers coming from OC and LA
Thursday -- all day meeting, then drive co-workers back to airport, then meet friend for Dinner
Friday -- meet another friend for lunch, get on plane to Las Vegas, fly to LV, drive to dad's house in Bullhead City, AZ (2 hrs south of LV)
Saturday -- help stepmom and dad (if I am awake)
Sunday -- drive back to LV, fly to LA
Monday -- work all day in LA, fly home to SJC

I've got the flights all arranged, now I've got to arrange the car rentals (three!). And I need to figure out where I'm sleeping on Sunday night. It will be amazing if I don't manage to screw this up.

I just thought of something -- I should just drive from Bullhead City to LA -- that will be quicker than driving 2 hours back to LV and then flying an hour to LA. With airport hassles and car return/rental hassles, the four hour drive is much smarter.

Okay -- tomorrow I will cancel one flight. I guess it helps to say it all out. GAH.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Neutral, Good, Bad

Well, for those playing along, the conversation between father and son did finally take place. Last weekend. Son doesn't seem to remember what was said becasue he admits to not listening. Something along the lines of "so, did you learn something?" Son even thought it was too little, too late.

Oh well.

It has been pointed out to me that in the future, for any possible instances that may occur, I will involve the father right from the get go. Not for me, but for the boy (or girl). The trick will be to remember!

Onto good things. While I was in LA last week in June, my across the street neighbor cleaned up my yard a bit. Wasn't that the sweetest thing. She pruned rose bushes, swept the street (which was mess), swept all cobwebs from windows and cleaned out two gardens.


On bad news. My dad went into hospital last Wednesday. Not much more time left, I fear. Seems his body is shutting down...but so hard to say. Brother going this weekend, I'll take next.