So here we are, back at Christmas. As in the past, I swore this wouldn't go bad. I'd have everything done, I'd be prepared, I have fun. Well, maybe I needed one more off year.
I was doing better this year. I did most of my shopping in November when I was in Hong Kong. I tried not to let the fact that I had the nanny decorate my tree get to me too much. But it all came crashing in this week -- I was so off. Not as off as I was a year ago but about as off as I was early fall and now I'm on 'just get through' mode.
I most get why and it is several things really. First off, I miss my dad. Second, this is the first divorced christmas and while we are making it okay -- it still is a reminder of the fact that so many things went wrong there and I'm not where I wanted to be or thought I'd be at this point. And finally, my mother. She causes me so much stress it is unbelievable. Even when I see it coming and think I can handle it, it makes so upset I've felt ill the past two days.
But the boy. The boy has been almost perfect. When I fell a little apart on Friday night he gives me a big huge like he meant it hug and told me I'd been handling all the stress very well. Said he'd never be able to do what I did and that he thought I was doing great and that I really just needed not to worry about my mother. What a darling. I kind of felt bad he had to step in and be the man but thank god he did.
1 comment:
Hang in there, kiddo. Think how far you've come in the last year. This time last year, you were getting ready to tell the kids and freaking out about it. New life, new job, new everything. You're doing so well!
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