So here we are, back at Christmas. As in the past, I swore this wouldn't go bad. I'd have everything done, I'd be prepared, I have fun. Well, maybe I needed one more off year.
I was doing better this year. I did most of my shopping in November when I was in Hong Kong. I tried not to let the fact that I had the nanny decorate my tree get to me too much. But it all came crashing in this week -- I was so off. Not as off as I was a year ago but about as off as I was early fall and now I'm on 'just get through' mode.
I most get why and it is several things really. First off, I miss my dad. Second, this is the first divorced christmas and while we are making it okay -- it still is a reminder of the fact that so many things went wrong there and I'm not where I wanted to be or thought I'd be at this point. And finally, my mother. She causes me so much stress it is unbelievable. Even when I see it coming and think I can handle it, it makes so upset I've felt ill the past two days.
But the boy. The boy has been almost perfect. When I fell a little apart on Friday night he gives me a big huge like he meant it hug and told me I'd been handling all the stress very well. Said he'd never be able to do what I did and that he thought I was doing great and that I really just needed not to worry about my mother. What a darling. I kind of felt bad he had to step in and be the man but thank god he did.