Onward

Well then.

I see it has been almost two weeks since I was last here. And what a crazy two weeks it has been. The kids being home really throw my routine and that combined with Christmas, mother visit and husband being home for this week and work have made for a continuation of the crazy schedule.

The fun never ends.

Three days before Christmas son states to me in his ohso13yearoldway – mom, this is the most disorganized Christmas EVER! Not that he was wrong or anything – but nothing like having your kid highlight how incompetent you are. Of course, I should take it as a complement on how well I usually do – and in fact that is sort of what we talked about. That yes, I usually do better. But this year, for a variety of reasons (only work for him) I’m not doing so well and instead of being a bratty self centered 13 year old, he could try and help me out. He’s been a peach ever since.

But back to the fact that he certainly had a point. I was extremely incompetent this year. I’ve been busy work wise – maybe not quite this busy but I’ve been pretty darned busy. Heck, when the kids were 3 and 7 and we were still living in TX and husband was living here in CA, I managed to pull off exciting Christmas while working (a lot) and not having help and having a whole bunch of things going on then too (of course, I’m sure rose colored glasses are on – it was probably hell then too – I just seemed to be able to pull it off even if I was going crazy – this year I wasn’t so successful at pulling anything off). Of course back then, they were young and probably not paying quite as close.

But but but -- this has to go down as the worst one yet. Crazy. I've just got to sit down and figure out why (I actually know -- I just need to write it down to remember) and then make sure it never happens again.

But all said, Christmas meal came off fine and kids were happy with their stuff. The extras faded – no Christmas cards sent, no teacher gifts delivered, etc .. but the main things got done.

Now on to 2006.

TV Time

Okay then. We’ve now officially contributed to the holiday economy by purchasing a rather large TV and audio system. Go us.

Yeesh.

It is the family gift and no other will be forthcoming for the children or adults in this family (well, stocking stuffers don’t count, do they?). So we’re extravagant but not horribly so, says she justifying the purchase that was made this afternoon.

But it’s not like we buy TV’s all that often. We only have one and it was purchased 18 years ago. So see, we were due. I can now officially guarantee that Christmas morning will be delightful in our household.

Horoscope

Today’s Horoscope:

This would be a good day to stay home and spend much of the day in bed, dear Cancer! You have been working especially hard lately, juggling both home and work with your usual aplomb. But today you may be feeling a bit worn out and overwhelmed by all that remains to be done. Give yourself a day of rest. Spend the day with a good book or some favorite DVD's. You will find this solitary time refreshing.

Sometimes they are so accurate it is scary. I slept in (until 7:00 – big woo hoo) and made it to yoga where I could hardly even do anything because of that entirely worn out feeling. On Wednesday night I had a melt down that involved wine (too much). I am feeling overwhelmed and have been for sometime so I decided that I must leave my office so I worked for a bit left around 2:00 to go do errands – I got a bunch of stuff done for Christmas. There’s more to do but I think it is manageable.

So I didn’t get the day of rest, but I did stop working --

M

My mother has taken a 12 year old girl under her wing. This young girl comes from a very rough situation – 5 brothers and sisters, different dads, mom just got out of jail, dad is in jail, lives in single wide trailer with grandma, mom (now), brothers and sisters and the oldest sister’s boyfriend. My mother had previously become involved with this family because she is a do-gooder and they needed some do-gooding. She found/bought clothes for the younger ones, helped the grandma clean up the place when the kids were taken by child protective services, and befriended this 7th grader and her 4th grade sister and started helping them with their homework after school.

Well, after a year or so that all fell apart and she stopped because while my mother is a do-gooder she likes to do good her way and the girls were having trouble meeting her expectations. This isn’t surprising given their home life but unfortunate nonetheless.

While the younger girl didn’t seem to care all that much, the older one (the 7th grader) really craved some help/attention so she hooked back up with my mother at the start of this school year. Unfortunately the situation at home was so miserable she wasn’t able to keep up with her school work (for instance, her 18 year old sister who had taken on the role of mother in their mother’s absence would make M clean the house BEFORE she even could start her homework) so my mother offered to have her stay with them during the week. All parties agreed and so that is where M now is.

We’ve seen M twice now. The first time was about a month ago when she came up here with my mom to see my nieces’ in a play. M hit it off terrifically with my daughter and both my nieces and all girls had a great weekend. When my mother and her husband decided to come up last weekend to see my son’s barbershop chorus Christmas performance, they brought M.

M’s a darling girl and looks to be thriving. You can tell sometimes how she’s amazed at what goes on around here but she likes it too. On Saturday my daughter asked her what college she wants to go to and by her reaction you could tell no on has ever just assumed she’d go to college – heck from what I hear, it isn’t assumed she’ll graduate from high school (her older sister didn’t). She had no answer so Alana just forged ahead with “well, what high school are you going to then.”

She’s cooperative, appreciative (in a way my privileged children never will be) and a joy to be around.

My mother shared her Christmas list with me. She wants a Christmas Card and a new folder for school. There are more kid like items (a portable CD player for instance) but a Christmas Card? That kind of request just breaks my heart and I think it had the same reaction for Alana because after they left yesterday I found her holding the paper with M’s address on it and she looks up at me with tears in her eyes and said “she’s never gotten a Christmas card before.” I reassured Alana that we would take care of that this year and between all of us (grandma and aunt L) that M would indeed get lots of Christmas cards. We are including a Claire’s gift certificate and little erasers and goodies from the Japanese paper store.

No matter what else happens during the rest of this holiday season, I know we’ll get this one right. That makes me happy.

I just looked through the past few entries and noticed I'm saying the same thing over and over. Yikes. I didn't even realize I was repeating myself.

Look at my horoscope today:

Today you may feel a bit overwhelmed with obligations and commitments to friends and organizations. There is not a moment free to yourself, not even to go to the bathroom. Clearly, something is out of balance here, dear Cancer. It is time for you to once again take charge of your life. It is wonderful that you have such a giving and generous spirit, but you do no one any favors if you burn out from exhaustion. Take some time for yourself to refill the well of your soul.

See, I'm so overwhelmed I can't even keep track of my thoughts and writings. What a nut.

Bzzzz Bzzzzz

I want to complain about being so busy but I won't because a.) who isn't and b.) usually when people complain about being busy it is their own fault. Yeah, so I'll own my busy-ness but that doesn't alway make it any easier.

Suffice it to say, this is the worst I've ever been at Christmas time. I've managed busy and Christmas before (not alway well, but I've manged it) but I'm failing miserably this year. I'm even starting to make myself a bit nervous and it isn't helped by the fact that for some reason my son has very high expectations this year. Not necessairly for a big gift but he keeps talking about this being the best Christmas ever -- mostly because my brother and his family now live two miles from us and we'll be spending it with them, my mother and her husband then my SIL's parents. My son loves a big gathering and while this isn't huge, it will be bigger than many years. He's trying to plan shopping trips and looking forward to the chaos of the gathering. Me? I just want to run away. And I'd probably be gone if it weren't for these kids of mine.

Christmas has turned into such a hassle for me and I'm really quite sad about that. It has become a month of just more stuff to do and I'm sure by the year I figure out how to handle it all, they kids will be out of the house and I'll be boo hooing their absence. I wish I could figure out how to fix that.

Party Tonight

I was awakened at 2:30 this morning by heavy footsteps in the house. Scared me to death, it did. Seems my husband came back a day earlier than normal but neglected to inform me of his plans so there I was, in bed, mostly asleep and wondering if the kids and I were going to die. Then it became clear it was husband because he went into the bathroom! Of course he says he told me he was coming when I asked what in the heck he was doing scaring me like that but really, I do pay attention and earlier in the week when I reminded him of the thing we have to go to tonight all he said was that he'd be there. For the past two years he just drove up on Friday afternoon but this year he acted like I should have known he'd come the night before.

And we wonder why I'm loosing my mind.

And I'm loosing my sleep because is it even possible to go back to sleep after you've been scared to death in the middle of the night? No way.

So, we go to this fancy dancy ball tonight. I'm going to be a bit casual in just a cocktail dress but I didn't have really fancy dress in me this year. Well, actually I did. I found a bunch of amazingly wonderful vintage dresses on eB&y but I wasn't sure I could get one in time to get it cleaned and altered if necessary so I decided to just use what I have. The party will be fun any which way -- there will be dancing and I need dancing right now.